Letting Go, Surrending All

Back in December, God started turning my world upside down and started ruining life as I knew it. The past four months have been full of struggles, heartbreaks, and consequences of my choices. He began to show me areas of my life that I hadn't surrendered to Him and was bringing about trials to help me grow in Christ and surrender all...But, I'm a slow learner and maybe even a little stubborn. Up until a couple of days ago I was pretty sure I knew what God's plan for my life was. I had it all planned out for Him because I was unwilling to live by faith and trust that His plan was the best even though I couldn't see that plan.
Some of you may have experienced this before, but let me tell you my plans and dreams were/are very dear to me. I like my dreams. I made them up. I chased after them. So when my "light bulb" moment came a couple of days ago and I realized that I needed to officially let go of my dream, it wasn't like your typical "light bulb" moment. Typical light bulb moments are inspiring, happy, even fabulous...but not this one. It was like a door being slammed in my face and when I turned around to find a window, there wasn't one. It was painful. It hurt a lot. And and an all too familiar sick feeling came into the pit of my stomach. It hit me...I have to let it go, I have to move on. Because even though I have a life, it isn't mine. When I became a Christian I gave my life to God for Him to be Lord over it for His purposes. And even though this process is painful, I'm praying for the faith to believe His promise that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. And that this pain, this trial, and even the mistakes along the way are part of my sanctification.
Deciding to let go is a lot easier than actually doing it. And now that the process has finally begun, it's tempting to turn back, to try to pry ope those doors that God is shutting. But His grace and the power that I have in Jesus Christ I can do all things. His grace is sufficient.
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, please please please, pray for me. This is so hard and I can't do it alone. I'm sorry if this post sounds a little abstract or just doesn't even make any sense to you. But that is all of the detail I feel like giving on a public blog.
Along with this post I'm putting up songs that I feel like express in a more poetic way what I've already written. I hope you enjoy them.

Love Always,
Jessie Rae :d

"From life's first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny..."